I went to the Kwik-E-Mart next to my office today prowling for a Diet Pepsi and something that might offer a bit of relief to this nagging cough I’ve had the past two days thanks to allergies. Austin, Texas claims to be the Live Music Capital of the World, but it’s really the Mucus Production Capital of the World. Allergies suffered here are legendary and worthy of investigation by the World Health Organization.
I roamed the aisles of this convenience store looking out for any kind of allergy or cold medication, or even a toilet snake that might be able to shove into my sinus cavities. I found nothing. I was shocked. Typically, every convenience store has at least some pharmacy related merchandise. I found none here. Not a single band aid, toenail clipper, tweezer or blackhead remover. But in my hunt I did find some goddamn candy cigarettes! I couldn’t believe it. I thought for sure that candy cigarettes had been banned in the state of Texas, but I guess not. I think you can buy them, but you can’t consume them within 800 feet of another human being on public property.
These candy cigarettes are of the highest quality sugar and corn syrup. They don’t joke around. I don’t always consume candy cigarettes, but when I do, I prefer Lucky Lights!