My 7-year-old son keeps asking me if Santa Claus is real. I want to tell him, no, Santa Claus is just a mythical character created by parents to blame when they end up buying the wrong Christmas presents, but I’m afraid he’ll blab this to all the other kids in school who perhaps aren’t prepared for the hard truth…and their parents will get mad at me.
But he persists…
“Is Santa Claus real?” he asks one more damn time.
“Yes. Santa Claus is real!”
“I want to see him. I’m going to stay up late and see him.”
“You can’t. He’s…uh…er…allergic to children. That’s why he only comes at night while kids are asleep.”
“Whaaaat?! What happens to him?”
“He breaks out in uncontrollable farts…”
Honestly, I think he’s very aware that Santa Claus isn’t real but just likes watching me squirm. He’ll make a good police interrogator one day.
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